Didja miss me?

Well.
As you may recall, when last I posted I was on my way to a long weekend. Let me just say that I enjoyed it to its fullest. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that it left me a mute. That’s right, I lost my voice. Perhaps if I had gone home and rested I might not have lost my voice, but weekends at home are just not my style.
Anyway, seeing as how my job involves answering phones all day, speaking is kind of required. Hence, I haven’t been to work in a week. Since I have no internet at home, no work means no posting. My voice has mostly returned, so I’m back to work. "Is there no one in the wide world who will care for me?" you asked. Well there is, and here I am.
My goodness, so much to report, the mind quakes at the task. What have I been doing in the past week? Too… much… information.
Item! While I was losing my voice, I helpfully ran into everyone I have ever met. I became a master of pantomime, as I had to communicate what I was up to these days with a series of hand gestures and facial expressions. It was kind of fun, to be honest, but ultimately frustrating. I always thought of myself as a fairly antisocial person, but I was surprised how strong the desire to speak was. I wanted to tell stories, to comment, to join into the discussion. I was also surprised how annoying it was that I couldn’t sing. I know! I never really thought of myself as a musical person, but man alive I wanted to belt out a tune in the shower. I can’t wait until my voice is back at a hundred percent.
Item! I ran into a girl I used to go out with at a bar on Friday, pre-muteness. We’ve been kind of avoiding each other, not that it ended on bad terms, more that it ended on no terms at all. We just kind of stopped, and with the exception of a letter and a phone call we haven’t seen each other since. My normal course of action is to slip out the back, but I decided to be a man about it and went over and we talked, and it worked out great! We got along, made each other laugh, and diffused all tension between us. My friend put it best: "That’s one less face you have to worry about seeing." So, one down.
Item! I started to lose my voice on Saturday; I was out at a bar with a friend of mine. Helpfully, my friend ingested an indeterminate amount of mushrooms. By the time my voice was completely gone, he was completely high. He made an amusing spokesman for the two of us, to say the least, although I’m not sure he accurately reflected my views and opinions.
Item! I was so angry on Thursday, that I punched a whole in the paint in my wall in my apartment, which I would have assumed was beyond my abilities.
Item! Losing my voice has kind of been like a monastic retreat. I couldn’t speak, go to work, and I decided not to go out socially. I’ve been siting in my apartment in silence, doing chores. I cleaned my apartment, top to bottom, did all my laundry, all my dishes, cooked three decent meals a day. Didn’t drink a drop. It’s been a week of quiet reflection and solitude. Now let’s go get smashed.
Item! Watched a lot of Monty Python, which is a 15-year old sick-day tradition.
Item? I don’t know, what else? This is why one should post every day; events tend to blur together. I don’t know, I’ll post things as they come to me. Anyway, I (ha-ha) have another three-day weekend, so ideally I’ll be posting again on Tuesday, unless I get… I don’t know, hysterical blindness or something.