I'm Looking at You
It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of that ‘next blog’ button at the top right. Goddamn, I love that little thing. One click and I’m embroiled in a random stranger’s life. I wish I had something like that in real life.
That being said, there are certain things that cause me to go to the next blog. Let’s call them dealbreakers:
1)Hella. When the fuck did this fucking trend start? Hella? "I will be hella mad if…" Shut the fuck up. Next.
2)Students. I barely cared about my classes when I was a student. I sure don’t care about yours. Oh, you’re sick of studying? Stressed by exams? Good to know. Next.
3)When people label their blogs as "the pointless, stupid, ramblings of an insane, unstable, dull human being, looking for answers in a crazy etc, etc, etc." If it’s so stupid and pointless, why the fuck am I reading it? Next.
4)Spelling. I’m looking at you young people. "WelcoMe to my BloG. U R in Hot ChikZ HeaVEn." I was more coherent when I was drinking. Next.
5)Christians. I’m sorry, it’s great you’re happy with your religion, but you’re too damn chipper and you don’t ask enough hard questions. Makes for dull reading (prove me wrong, Christians! Prove me wrong!). Next.
(Interlude: Am I mistaken, or has this blog devoted to actor/comedian Richard Belzer been active for 15 years? No, right? Because that’s just crazy, right?)
Anyway, in the future maybe I’ll post what I do like about new blogs. At least this blog has no irritating trends, right? Right?
That being said, there are certain things that cause me to go to the next blog. Let’s call them dealbreakers:
1)Hella. When the fuck did this fucking trend start? Hella? "I will be hella mad if…" Shut the fuck up. Next.
2)Students. I barely cared about my classes when I was a student. I sure don’t care about yours. Oh, you’re sick of studying? Stressed by exams? Good to know. Next.
3)When people label their blogs as "the pointless, stupid, ramblings of an insane, unstable, dull human being, looking for answers in a crazy etc, etc, etc." If it’s so stupid and pointless, why the fuck am I reading it? Next.
4)Spelling. I’m looking at you young people. "WelcoMe to my BloG. U R in Hot ChikZ HeaVEn." I was more coherent when I was drinking. Next.
5)Christians. I’m sorry, it’s great you’re happy with your religion, but you’re too damn chipper and you don’t ask enough hard questions. Makes for dull reading (prove me wrong, Christians! Prove me wrong!). Next.
(Interlude: Am I mistaken, or has this blog devoted to actor/comedian Richard Belzer been active for 15 years? No, right? Because that’s just crazy, right?)
Anyway, in the future maybe I’ll post what I do like about new blogs. At least this blog has no irritating trends, right? Right?
posted by Dash Bradley at 2:41 PM
5 Comments:
1) The "Hella" thing. I've never heard of it. Maybe they're Greek.
2) You just don't understaaaaand! Waaaaaah! (sound of slamming bedroom door)
3) What would YOU do all day if you worked at a gas station all day and lived in your mom's basement?
4) See #1
5) Hmmm. As a Christian and an American, I would compile the many ways George Bush acts antithetically to Christianity. That would make him AN antichrist, if not THE antichrist. Maybe this has been done already.
Interlude: Interesting. It's kind of like unearthing an ancient artifact and finding dung.
As for YOUR blog, that's like asking me to name something unattractive about my children. If it's there, love blinds me to it. Are you trying to give me blogging hints, by the way?
I am in a pissy mood. I've been trapped by bad weather for two days in a house with 2-year-old and 4-year-old girls who are only happy when eating cookies and watching SpongeBob. I ran out of cookies yesterday.
So, I decided to emulate Dash Bradley and push the "next blog" button. Mr. Bradley, I would like to respectfully add to your list:
6) Poetry. Not only does the original poetry suck, even the poems quoted suck. Generally.
7) People pining after a breakup. Not once have I read one of these and had the slightest doubt why the person got dumped.
I think I know why I am so loyal to Dash Bradley. Even when he is suffering, he manages to inject humor or interesting social commentary into his writing. I abhor maudlin sentimentality. Chick flicks and romance novels make me want to take a stiletto-heeled shoe and jab it into someone's eyeball.
Hear hear, on the eye-gouging.
Ahhhh, Next Blog! Is there anything better!?!
Since you two have had an awesome whinge, I thought I'd list my favourite types of blogs!
Number 1: Sex descriptive blogs, since it's all voyurism anyway, let's get straight to the good bits. I always want to include my own stories in, but always wuss out that someone good might read it.
Number 2: Totally sarcastic, humourous and improving of entertainment of all bored internerds (read: this blog).
Number 3: Photo blogs of totally young university chicks posting pictures of them and their friends hanging out with all the comments saying "give us naked pictures", "c'mon make the world a better place".
That is all.
Apologies to Adam for pinching his phrase, but "An Awesome Whinge" would be a great name for a blog! And why the hell is no one requesting naked pictures of me? I could make the world a better place...
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