Siberia!

(Read what came before)
So, Siberia. It took three trains, two zeppelins and a goddamned sled for this? I gave Cavendish a thorough beating for dragging me to such a godforsaken spot. Not a proper cabaret in sight! He had the audacity to point out that it was I who thought of coming here. What nerve! I broke his jaw to remind him of his place, and to shut him up, as well. I fear there will be few comforts and consolations in a place such as this. Will I have to actually live beneath my station? Should it come to that, I assure you there will be a bloodbath…
I received a telegram from one of my agents at home. It turns out I was right about my sister, Berenice. She’s been camped out in her carriage in front of my estate, awaiting my return so she can avenge her dear husband. Her weapon of choice? A broom. Yes, my sister was planning to kill me with a broom. What was she planning to do? Our father must be spinning in his grave. I would find it all terribly amusing if not for what happened next. Poor old Berenice; since she was a little girl, she’s been on an unspeakable amount of prescription pills. My mother always told me that Berenice was a little terror before the pills, which I find unlikely. I assume my mother just preferred a more sedentary child. Regardless, whatever quack swine doctor Berenice has inflicted herself on must have prescribed her some pretty strong meat, as Berenice apparently lapsed into a small coma, sitting there in her carriage. When she came around, she got confused and assumed she was in front of her own house. She wandered onto the ground, and my servants, being typically useless, made her right at home. They probably just assumed, correctly, that she would not beat them with sporting equipment, and hence would make a welcome change. Remind me to buy new croquet mallets before I get home…
I’ve dispatched Consuela back to the estate, to dislodge my sister and whip the staff into shape. She’s already outlined her plan to gut one of the valets as an example to the others. God in heaven, but I love this woman.
As for me? Well, fortunately Holtz has an encyclopedic knowledge of brothels, and he has mentioned a few promising ones in the area. My son Dennis has gone into severe opium withdrawal, so I suppose we’ll have to find some of that, as well. "Sometimes, my son," I told him. "You chase the dragon, and sometimes the dragon chases you." Well, I thought it was funny.
So what can one do, but hunker down, delegate chores to one’s servants, and try and make the best of it?