More bitching
So last night was a first for me; I went to a coffee shop. It was perhaps the third time in my life I have willingly set foot in a coffee shop, and the first time I paid for fancy coffee. I got a… oh, shitballs, what was it? A mochacaracci, or something. It had about a pound of whipped cream, cost 4.50, and took me about two minutes to drink. I sat in the coffee shop and edited some writing. Sipping my fancy coffee. I have become that which I hate most *.
I don’t think hanging out in coffee shops will be a suitable replacement for hanging out in bars. The vibe is too different, not dangerous enough. I can’t see any kind of fight breaking out in a coffee shop, or any asshole coming up and harassing me. Nor can I see myself harassing some poor young woman. What’s the point?
Unfortunately, all these little tricks and diversions I set up for myself to avoid drinking just make me want to drink more. It didn’t help that across the street from the coffee shop I was sitting in was a giant, gorgeous new Liquor Mart. It was so bright and shiny, with big neon signs on the outside: "Wine, Spirits, Beer." I could hear them singing to me…
But, I persevered. I guess coffee shops beat hanging out in my apartment, but not by much. At least in my apartment I have my cat, who is like an obnoxious drunk in a lot of ways.
Maybe I could bring the bar vibe to the coffee shop myself! I should just start talking loudly and crudely, and picking a lot of fights.
Goddamn, I’m brilliant; I’ll lick this sumbitch, yet.
*Okay, maybe going into a coffeeshop did not turn me into a violent, child molesting bigot. Not yet, anyway.
I don’t think hanging out in coffee shops will be a suitable replacement for hanging out in bars. The vibe is too different, not dangerous enough. I can’t see any kind of fight breaking out in a coffee shop, or any asshole coming up and harassing me. Nor can I see myself harassing some poor young woman. What’s the point?
Unfortunately, all these little tricks and diversions I set up for myself to avoid drinking just make me want to drink more. It didn’t help that across the street from the coffee shop I was sitting in was a giant, gorgeous new Liquor Mart. It was so bright and shiny, with big neon signs on the outside: "Wine, Spirits, Beer." I could hear them singing to me…
But, I persevered. I guess coffee shops beat hanging out in my apartment, but not by much. At least in my apartment I have my cat, who is like an obnoxious drunk in a lot of ways.
Maybe I could bring the bar vibe to the coffee shop myself! I should just start talking loudly and crudely, and picking a lot of fights.
Goddamn, I’m brilliant; I’ll lick this sumbitch, yet.
*Okay, maybe going into a coffeeshop did not turn me into a violent, child molesting bigot. Not yet, anyway.
posted by Dash Bradley at 5:45 PM
2 Comments:
Don't think of coffee as a replacement for alcoholism. Think of it as a potential addiction in itself. Because when someone takes, or threatens to take, your coffee away from you, then you have your fight. Withrawing coffee addicts are some volatile motherfuckers, like TNT. You'll drink so much, you'll be able to get into fights (not arguments, I'm talking full-on brawls) over which is better: French press or drip coffee. Seriously, you've opened up a can of fuckin worms with the coffee situation.
Excellent. Since closing the booze can of worms, I've been looking for a new can of worms to open. Bring it on, you drip motherfuckers!
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