When will I learn? Oh yes... never.
When you mix different liquors in the same drink you will be, at best, extremely drunk or, at worst, sick.
I know this. I have experienced this many times over. Yet. Yet yet yet yet yet, whenever I am offered an aforementioned hetero-alcoholic drink, I always always always say yes. Earlier this year, or last year (who knows), I was at an obnoxious club with some friends. Now, I've recently started drinking scotch-whisky (my favorite brand is Bells, if you're wondering), so when I went to the bartendress I thought I'd branch out and order a scotch-whisky and coke. After her cute, little brain finished pinballing around the inside of her skull, she leapt into action and poured a shot of whisky, followed by a shot of scotch into a glass, topped with coke. Now, this was very wrong. I knew this. I knew that this was not the sort of concoction any sort of reasonable person who values their faculties to the slightest degree should consume. Nevertheless, I paid the poor thing, and took my drink. And there my memories cease.
A lesson learned, perhaps? A-ha, ho ho, hee hee. Last night. My usual order of scotch and coke (well, I did learn something...). Gasp! There was only half a shot of scotch left! "How about," suggested the kindly bartender. "I top it off with some whisky?" Good Lord, no! sez my brain. "Sure," sez my mouth. Nooo! cries out my brain. "Shut up," sez my body as I start to drink. Help me, gurgles my brain, I'm drowning! "Glad he's out of the picture," sez the rest of me.
Next morning, I open my eyes, and my brain says "No." And that's why I stayed in bed until 2. Tonight, I will hopefully stick to my usual, reliable poisons, and hopefully my brain will permit me to function to some degree tomorrow. I've learned my lesson. I swear!
I know this. I have experienced this many times over. Yet. Yet yet yet yet yet, whenever I am offered an aforementioned hetero-alcoholic drink, I always always always say yes. Earlier this year, or last year (who knows), I was at an obnoxious club with some friends. Now, I've recently started drinking scotch-whisky (my favorite brand is Bells, if you're wondering), so when I went to the bartendress I thought I'd branch out and order a scotch-whisky and coke. After her cute, little brain finished pinballing around the inside of her skull, she leapt into action and poured a shot of whisky, followed by a shot of scotch into a glass, topped with coke. Now, this was very wrong. I knew this. I knew that this was not the sort of concoction any sort of reasonable person who values their faculties to the slightest degree should consume. Nevertheless, I paid the poor thing, and took my drink. And there my memories cease.
A lesson learned, perhaps? A-ha, ho ho, hee hee. Last night. My usual order of scotch and coke (well, I did learn something...). Gasp! There was only half a shot of scotch left! "How about," suggested the kindly bartender. "I top it off with some whisky?" Good Lord, no! sez my brain. "Sure," sez my mouth. Nooo! cries out my brain. "Shut up," sez my body as I start to drink. Help me, gurgles my brain, I'm drowning! "Glad he's out of the picture," sez the rest of me.
Next morning, I open my eyes, and my brain says "No." And that's why I stayed in bed until 2. Tonight, I will hopefully stick to my usual, reliable poisons, and hopefully my brain will permit me to function to some degree tomorrow. I've learned my lesson. I swear!
posted by Dash Bradley at 11:13 PM
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