Nick:1 Wine: 7

Ha! This week I have finally bested wine. On Monday I drank two bottles of wine and remained conscious. So take that, wine! You smug, pompous bastard. You think you're better than me? You think you are better than me? Fuck you! Fuck you, wine! Fuck you wine with your tastings and your sipping and your colour and your Sideways. Fuck you!
Well, okay, I was conscious. But I wasn't good conscious. Not the kind of conscious we like. It was the kind of conscious that makes us... uncomfortable. It leaves us... unsettled.
So yeah, fuck you wine. Except Australian wines, which have amusing names like Wally's Hut, or Little Penguin.