Would you like some cheese with that?

So I've been drinking a lot of wine recently. I was never much of a wine drinker, possibly a result of my vaguely catholic upbringing. I've run into a bit of a brick wall, though, as I can't seem to drink two bottles without blacking out. I know! If I drink just one bottle, well, it just doesn't do. But whenever I pop that second bottle... I'm going to lose a few hours. I think I'm making progress, though; last night I made a conscious effort to pace myself on the second bottle, and I only blacked out for about three hours. Still, it's getting to be kind of a pain in the ass.
Also, wine stains! I'm a sloppy, clumsy drunk, which is normally no big deal as I drink beer or cocktails, which are easily cleaned. But fuck! My apartment is fast becoming covered in little purple splatters, like I have an infant who has yet to master drinking juice. I mean, it's bad enough all my furniture smells like beer, maybe I should switch to white...