A lawless wasteland

I learned from a friend and neighbor tonight that the caretakers for my apartment building have quit. Actually they apparently slunk off in the middle of the night. This isn’t really upsetting, or surprising, as these caretakers were completely useless. I’m serious; all they accomplished was jack shit. They only came on a few months ago, too, but managed to create a dazzling impression.
Every request from me resulted in the caretaker, with all due haste, doing jack shit. My favorite incident involved a notice slipped under my door that the caretaker would be checking my smoke detector Thursday night. It was very important that I be there Thursday, because Thursday is when he would come. Thursday. So Friday morning he knocks on my door; I was, of course, a wreck from the previous night. He checks my smoke detector, successfully.

He: Uh… hey, man, do you... Uh… do you have a pen I can borrow?
Me: Huh, oh yeah, I guess so. Here.
He: Oh, thanks, man, thanks! Uh… could I… could I borrow this pen? Just for like ten minutes? I’ll bring it right back!
Me: Yeah, sure, no problem.
He: Thanks, man, thanks!

Of course he didn’t come back. Four hours later I left my apartment to go run an errand or something and I spot him on the street. He gets this panicked deer-in-the-headlights look when he sees me.

He: Oh! Oh! Wait here! I’ll be right back! I’ll just grab your pen and be right back!
Me: Relax, it’s just a pen.
He: Hey, thanks, man, thanks!

That was my only pen. I needed that fucking pen. I had to go out and buy a fucking pen. What a knob; I'm not surprised a man such as he fled in the night.
Anyway, now my building is unsupervised, and it’s time for the inmates to run the asylum! Toga!