Pizza pizza pi-pi-pi-pi-pizza

So Monday night I had gone drinkin’ down by the river. The nice thing about Winnipeg (yes, there are nice things) is the abundance of rivers, and hence, river banks. In recent years I have developed a fondness for taking a six pack down to the river, drinkin’ and thinkin.’ So I was heading back home, it was about 12:30 am, and I came over all peckish-like (hungry). As if by magic (or witchcraft…) I found myself in front of a late night pizzeria! Providence! I bought a slice and continued on my way. After I finished the slice, I realized I was still kind of hungry. I was debating whether to go back and maybe get another slice, when I found myself in front of yet another late night pizzeria! Maybe I could leapfrog my way home from restaurant to restaurant... As I entered the pizzeria I saw a sign offering 2 pieces of chicken for 2.00. Not bad.
"What’ll it be, my friend?" said the counter dude.
"Two pieces of chicken, dear one," said I.
"Sorry, man, we’re out of chicken."
"No worries. Make it a slice, then, please."
"No pizza, either."
"Ah. Do you, uh, have anything?"
"No, sorry."
"Okay. Uh… bye."
"See you!"
And I left. I think the ‘Open’ sign in the window-front was a bit misleading. When I see that a restaurant is open, I figure they are, you know, ‘open for business’; as in ‘prepared to sell you food.’ These guys had a different interpretation, I guess, by ‘Open’ they meant ‘building is unlocked.’ My mistake.
As I type this, it occurs to me that maybe the pizzeria was a front for some gang. I know for a fact there are pizzerias in Winnipeg that are. Actually, now that I think of it, the only other customers in the pizzeria (who did have pizza), were these goomba looking guys. Maybe there was a dead body just behind the counter. Maybe I barely escaped with my life! Maybe the counter guy was desperately trying to signal me with his eyes to help him, for God’s sake help him. Oops. Sorry, dude. Well, I guess it’s too late now. The counter guy is probably hanging from a meat hook, somewhere, with his balls shoved up his ass.
Man, all this talk of pizza is making me hungry!